


Crabby

by minglingcrab



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-20
Updated: 2010-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-06 12:21:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minglingcrab/pseuds/minglingcrab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, for no apparent reason, Kris turns into a crab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crabby

**Author's Note:**

> kradamite donated towards Haitian relief for this prompt: _Adam always wondered if should prefer Kris's version of crabby - more white meat and less hard shell - until now._
> 
>  
> 
> This is sort of a plot repeat for me (although I wonder if anyone else will think so), but that happens now and then.

Sometimes, for no apparent reason, Kris turns into a crab.

Pincers sprout from his armpits.  His tough little shell is shiny as shellac.

"I thought it was a metaphor!" Adam yells, scrambling frantically to the other side of the room.  Kris doesn't answer, of course, because crabs can't talk.

Adam keeps a discreet amount of furniture between the two of them, even though Kris is just a little crab, small enough to fit into the palm of one of Adam’s hands.

Not that Adam wants to pick him up.  At all. 

“I don’t want to pick you up,” Adam informs the crab.

The crab shrugs.  Adam tries not to let that sting.

“I can’t believe you never told me about this,” he adds, suddenly irked.  After all the shit they’ve been through together – the complete jackass Kris turned into after Katy left him?  The complete slut Adam turned into to channel the strain of suddenly having Kris around all the time again?  They’ve seen each other at their worst.

Or not.  _This _is most definitely Kris’s worst.

“Do you turn into a real jackass, too?” Adam asks.

The crab gazes at him reproachfully, which could be taken as either a yes or a no.  To be fair, Kris probably _had _warned him about this.  He vaguely remembers Kris saying something about having to hang out in his room when he turned into a crab; waiting for it to wear off while his friends and family continued to go about their business as usual outside.

Of course, at the time, Adam hadn’t realized that Kris had been talking about _actually turning into a crab._

Adam ponders Kris.  He supposes he can’t really blame him for being continuously ugly and crablike in Adam's general direction; he isn't chasing Adam or anything, and Adam can, technically, look away at any time.

Look away.  From Kris as a crab.

Actually, this could be a good thing.  Maybe the visual will be such a total turnoff that he’ll never feel attracted to Kris again.  Ever.  He retrieves the apple he’d been in the middle of eating when all this started and takes a generous bite, waiting to be disgusted at Kris’s palpable crabbiness.

He waits some more.

“Right, never mind that,” Adam sighs, and picks Kris up.

Kris is snuggly, as crabs go.  Actually, Adam has no idea what normal behavior for a crab might entail, but he’s pretty sure that it doesn’t involve curling up familiarly in the center of a human palm. 

Typical.  Adam peers closely at Kris and tries to determine how much actual thought can possibly be going on in that pea-sized brain.

“You’re a tease,” Adam informs him.  “And a crab.  Both of these issues need to be dealt with, but it might be a bad idea to try to take them on at the same time.”

Adam has always openly enjoyed it when Kris gets crabby; it amuses him.  This irritates Kris and makes him even crabbier, which Adam enjoys in turn.  But - _metaphorically_ crabby, is the point.  Kris is more white meat, less shell, in that he can’t quite manage abrasiveness as such but still pulls off some bitchiness with real _substance_ when he gets going.  Adam likes Kris bitchy, and he likes him sweet, and he even likes him as a crab, which is pretty pathetic when put all together like that.

Oh, this is getting ridiculous.  How long does this kind of thing usually last?  Adam lifts his hand slowly and locks eyes with Kris, who doesn’t blink, because he’s a crab and doesn’t have eyelids.

“Am I supposed to just wait forever?” Adam says.

Kris doesn’t answer.  He’s still a crab.  Adam has only one idea of what he could _possibly _do to change that, although he’s been pushing it to the back of his mind because he’d really rather not, thanks very much.

At a certain point, though, it makes sense to go out on a limb and kiss the crab; Adam screws up his eyes so that he won’t have to see what he’s doing and plants a tiny one on the top of Kris’s smooth, moist head.

And then the spell, or whatever it is, just _ends_, and Kris is heavy and human, and staggers around for a minute, trying to get his bearings.  He straightens and smiles winsomely at Adam.  "Wow.  No one ever thought of trying that.”

“Really?”  Adam is surprised.  It’s classic fairy tale logic.

Kris shrugs and steps closer.  His hair is a bit of a mess, but other than that he seems to be unharmed.  Adam opens his mouth, but then shuts it again.  He isn’t even sure where to _start_.  Kris doesn't seem to know, either.

“I’m not a tease,” Kris says, finally, taking another step closer, blinking nervously, and then he kisses Adam, with tongue, which he has because he’s a human being and no longer a crab.

Adam lets him.  Explanations are overrated, anyway.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Crabwise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/56104) by [Jerakeen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerakeen/pseuds/Jerakeen)




End file.
